Out of sight, out of mind?

I couldn't agree more to this comment made by 

Alaric Nesbitt on youtube "Its not the Goodbyes that Hurt, Its the Flashbacks that Follow."

Food Hunting Plan Hijacked

In my last post "Lets eat to say bye bye" I wrote about how my friend and I decided to have dinner at a different place every night untill our last day in Miri. Well just now the plan has been hijacked. We had dinner in the same restaurant as the one on last Monday.

Reason being, the food there is not bad and I am tired of thinking for a new place to have dinner everyday. He will ask the same question everyday and I will feel pressured to give a good answer so that I dont pisses him off. Coz when he is pissed he will say that he is the only one having to make every decision. As a result, I will have to travel in the car with no conversation going on between us. Drama huh... By the way, Yes I am capable to be in total silence mode to avoid awkward moments where you talk to an unresponsive angry subject...weird huh to think that I am capable of keeping my mouth shut haha

Ok back to the subject of food, one of my non muslim friend once pointed out "Halal food in Miri sucks". Please read his remark in a jokingly tone. I am sure he did not intend to be insensitive.

Reality wise he is not entirely wrong. I wouldn't say that the food sucks though as I have had my share of good halal food in Miri, but if you are talking about variety of good halal food yes it does kind of dissapointing a bit. Listed below are some of the food that I like;
a) Lalapan Daging, Muara Restaurant near the waterfront
b) Nasi putih daging goreng kunyit, Suria Abadi near lutong
c) Mee Jawa, Kampung Pengkalan
d) Nasi Kerabu Daging Salai, IR-WAN restaurant in piasau

...and some others which I might list down in future.

So what's for dinner? 😉 I will have to put on my thinking cap early in the morning and start churning out ideas for dinner haha

My Last Saturday in Miri

Hmm what's there for me to share today? Normal morning went for breakfast talk n talk n talk (as usual i am always the one who does the talking haha). After that went to help a friend move in his new house. Well I didnt know what to do and felt not useful haha so when the phone call came from another friend to help him go shopping I kind of jumping with joy. I am useful again wohoo

As I have been blogging about leaving miri for the past few weeks, this weekend is my last here. So when my friend decided to bring me along for souvenier shopping realised that I have not bought anything yet to bring back home. In my mind next week's trip is like my usual KUL-MYY trip where I will eventually be bc in miri. At first I did try to rake my brain for ideas but to no avail. I only managed to convince myself to buy 'terubuk masin'. I guess it should be enough to shut my conscience for the time being from keep on reminding me that I have not bought any souveniers yet.

Being a good friend I went around explaining to my friend about the things that he should be buying and acted as a mediator between the shopkeeper and him. At one point I told him that it is weird that I am explaining things to him as if I a local guy when in fact I am not. He did buy a lot of stuff which I do not know how is he going to fit everything in his luggage. Good luck to him.

Later in the evening I decided to become useful again and helped the friend who is moving into his new home to make up his room. Well I did not physically did much work but I consider my ideas for ID as my contribution to him haha

I dont think I want to continue on with this diary like entry. Sorry if I have taken up your time to read this entry. Will try to write something more meaningful and as always melodramatic 😜 tomorrow.

Good night...

Finally : Kampung Air

My trip around the Kampung Air was not planned and more of a spur of the moment kind of thing. After arriving in Bandar Seri Begawan we parked our car near the Secretariat Building and walked towards the waterfront.

When I was there a year ago, I only marvelled at the number of boats crossing through the waters. So for this trip I decided to take a better look at Brunei's famous Kampung Air.

My friend and I took a boat ride which goes around the Kampung Air. We were only charged 20 brunei dollars per boat for around 20-30minutes ride around the village. We were lucky that our guide was kind enough to point out interesting facts on Kampung Air.

Brunei's Kampung Air is not like the one in Kota Kinabalu Sabah. There are like more than 3 schools and mosques built by the government for the villagers. On top of that the village too is equipped with its own fire brigade and various petrol station.

A note of advice to future visitor, be sure to arrive earlier if you want to pay a visit to the Kampung Air's Visitor's Center and do ask your guide about the village's famous Nasi Katok.

Lets eat to say bye bye

I few days ago my friend and I decided to spend our last week together by having dinner in different places everyday until both of us leave for home. Sincerely, I was and still am thankful for the wonderful idea.

Being me, I was very much excited at the very beginning as I would be spending more time with people that matter before I leave this place. So much so that I cannot wait to end my day in the office and starts the food hunting journey.

Four days has passed and we have had equal share of good meals and less appealing ones. The problem with this place is, it is very difficult to find good restaurant which suits our palate. Not that we are such picky eaters but food here seems to be the same everywhere in terms of taste and style of cooking. So that was issue number one.

Now issue number two, I thought by having this food hunting activity I would be able to slowly soothe this ache in my heart everytime I think about my impending departure by spending more time with the people that I care about but this only makes me dread the idea of living. To think that after this all of us will move on with our own lives and slowly we would be strangers again makes is so not favourable to me.

"Change is the only constant" someone once said and I sort of agree to it. Therefore, i believe my fears are not entirely a paranoia on my side. Nevertheless, I cannot expect the world to stop for me or to think that everything revolves around me.

It is funny that nowadays from time to time I will bring up the issue of my leaving as a passing remark during our conversations. I did that to familiarise myself with the idea of leaving apart from trying to gauge the general sentiment on the subject. Dumb huh?

Well I'll just let this imperfection of mine slips away and not dwell to much in feeling ashamed about it. However, I must bear in mind that too much drama will reduce seriousness of the plot thus reducing the quality of the story.

So lets just concentrate on the plan at hand and try to close it successfully. Hmm whats the plant for tomorrow.Trip to the pasar malam perhaps! Haha

Signing off. Good ninght

Potential and Possibilities

Am falling for them again *sigh*

When r u getting married?

It is hari raya again. Like every trip back for raya i'll brace myself for THE question. I have been attacked by various derivative of the questions from mild one "Bilanye nak kawen nih?" to outright embarrasing yet funny ones "Kamu ni dah macam orang tak laku!".

Part of me dread having to go through the Q&A session but I would be lying if I deny the part of me which is excited. Excited to know who would be asking the question and how. Crude way of putting it is I love the attention. As always I'll blame this trait of mine on ADD. This disorder is so bad to the extent that my ADD logic dictates for no one to have any fun without me in the picture. Crazy huh...I should have been borned ages ago as a King to a civilazation which idolizes their King haha

Going back to the topic, this raya seems to be a bit mundane with respect to our subject. The most creative statement that I got from my uncle was a simple "Tak balik-balik ni sebab dah jumpa orang sarawak ke". Not that creative huh...

It is not how the question was asked but I am worried if the less creative and frequency of the question is a sign of acceptance from my relatives on the fact that I might not get married. NO!!!!! Please don't stop hoping. I am still eligible. I need the attention to live on.

How la how la how la =P

MH2597

It is funny looking at people staring at the flight departure info screen. Squinting their eyes hoping that the flight info might change and we are called to board the flight...

*PA announcement*

Yeay can board d...

Depressing 10 minutes

I've just realised just now that I now only have around 20 more full days in this place. Funny coz im freaking out just like the eve of my departure to this place. A new place which has become so familiar making it harder to leave without feeling sad. There has been a few occasions when I caught myself describing this place as home.

I think I need to stop listening to melancholic songs/stories as they definately dont make it easier for me to ready myself for my trip bc home. dont get me wrong, I am glad to go home but I cant help feeling a bit down thinking bout leaving this place. It is that sinking feeling that I can never describe to you.

K need to get back to work and keep myself busy but doing so I might regret not taking the opportunity to spend more time saying goodbye to people or places that matters to me.

Gosh this post sounds so depressing...hate this feeling. Maybe shopping theraphy will help but then where la to shop here haha

Da..

...upcoming post...

Need to blog bout the Kampung Air trip today but I can feel that the energy is no longer enough for me to continue on typing....aaaaaa heeellllpppp no more energy...tuuuuuttttttt (note to readers: read this post in the most dramatic tone. the more dramatic you be the nearer you are to understanding what i am feeling now haha)

Update:
Just remembered that the last two days too deserves an entry. It was a fulfilling n memorable weekend.

I Am Angry

For the past 5 hours, I have been bottling up the following words for fear that I might hurt a friend and eventually regret it. Therefore I have decided to vent it out here than to that person...so here goes...

"Y do u have to agree to it? Wouldnt it be easier for you to say no? Do you know that I felt bad not being here during the last weekend and though I complaint on and on and on about the wrong flight ticket, part of me was glad that it happened. Now that I have been very much excited bout the weekend, u have the nerve to say that you will not be around. You said that you were not given a choice and had to follow orders. Am I to smile and just say fine?!!! I am pissed and very much dissapointed...titik!...."

K done venting d. Wow some of the things that I have been bottling up seems very inconsiderate, insensitive and overreacting. It is good that I didnt blurt it out earlier. No good will cone out of it.

So folks next time when you are mad try typing it out and from there you can see how crazy and hurtful your words can be when you are mad. When you are mad it is best to keep quiet. When you think what you might say may hurt someone chances are it will hurt them so practice restrain and you will not regret your actions later.

The end of a journey

I think I am getting too comfortable staying here. Everyday I try to convince myself that leaving is not going to be hard. There are times I am thankful that I won't be here forever but when I think of the team that I have (yes I am arbitarily proclaiming that the team is mine hehe), I dread the idea of leaving. A friend said that I adapt too easily to new enviroment maybe that is the reason for me dreading to leave this place as things alien to me when I first arrived here has started to be something familiar and normal to me (except the fact that I don't have my car here this I can never get used to).

Now I have friends which I can rely on for company and learned to trust. So leaving them behind might not be so easy for me. The thought that they might be doing fun stuff without me is so unbearable. I blame my ADD for this feeling. I always want to be on the spot light and apart of the seemingly 'cool' activities.

Well go home I will so the only thing to do now is to plan on how my departure would be. Smiling gracefully while waving like the winner of Miss Universe or shed tears while trying to laugh it off at the same time. Both options don't seem too appealing at this moment. I still have around 5 more weeks to plan so just wait for my update haha

Good night peeps.

Aiyo...Don't Feel Sad la...

Dear Friend,

Let's get straight to the point. After today's event I don't really know what you are thinking or feeling and I won't pretend as if I do. As I am not sure when is the right time or if you even want to talk about the issue, I decided to write it down here and give the link on your FB wall. Logically if you have the mood for social networking chances are you are feeling better already.

Let me share with you my experience as a white collared worker. I used to have a hard time dealing with a senior colleague. Not more than a month after I joined the office, I was given a lesson on professional emailing ethics just because I used the salutation 'Salam'. He said that it is not professional and pointed out that his name is not Salam and that the name reminded him of a mentally challenged guy in his hometown. In my mind at that time I was like "Helooo?!! How does Salam from your kampung has anything to do with my email...duhhh" My effort to explain the situation was not accepted. I felt so low at that time but tried to play it cool. Normally this would be the end of this story but NO not this story of mine. My life has always been full of drama and so this story. To add salt to wound I found out that my colleague BCC'ed a few of my other senior colleagues in his replies to my emails. At that time I was so embarrassed and really hated that colleague of mine. Never in my mind at that time I would imagine that we would be friends like we are now. We even went climbing the mount Kinabalu together. If I hated him I doubt that I would be willing to climb a mountain with him. But then again climbing the mountain together might be the best occassion for me to push him down the cliff haha

My point is everytime life gives you shit, it actual brings you to a crossroad between striving to be better or indulging yourself in self pity. Some people thinks that by pressuring people they would push that person to excellence without realising that it too has a risk of breaking a person's will to be better. Let's not talk about something we can't control. The thing that we can control is how we react to the event. For me, I decided to push myself out of self pity and work harder to prove myself. Well I do indulge in self pity every now and then but that's just my ADD talking haha

I may not have known you for a long time but I think I am not alone in saying that you have the potential to be a good PE. For now you just have to push yourself harder and try to learn as much as you can from people around you. Well sometimes you can opt to indulge in dreaming of a career near a swimming pool but for now you have to snap out of thinking that you have other career options. You do have the options but lets not think about them for this moment and think of this position that you have now as the only one.

I wish I could have helped more but untill you yourself decide to make things better there's not much I can help. Today's event is a lesson for both of us. I do feel bad for what have happened. Earlier I had a dejavu of the 'Salam' incident when reading the email from your SV. So if he is purposely picking on you like what my colleague did, chances are he has high regards for your talent and wishes to further develop it.

If you want to talk I am always nearby.

Good luck.

Your friend,
XOXO =p

Not over You

You,
Sometimes i think about us as if 'us' did happen
Despite my coldness 'us' is how i described our relationship

You,
Sometimes when i go to places that i have been with you i smile to myself
Smiling as i remember how happy i was back then and at my egoism for letting you go

You,
Sometimes i wish i can turn back time
But even if i could i wouldnt do it coz i know how important you are to me only after you left

You,
Sometimes when my friend says that i am dumb for not moving on i kept quiet
Because i know i am and theres nothing i can bring myself to do to change how i feel

You,
Sometimes i think if i move on i might be betraying you
How preposterous is such an idea

You,
One day i will be strong enough to move on
But for today allow me to just be like this and continue on living with the memory of 'us'

Have i boarded the wrong flight?

I am back in miri.

So used to arriving in KLIA or the LCCT makes me panicked for a while looking at the unfamiliar landscape of the land below after listening to the pilot's annoucement for landing.

"Dumbo you!" i said to myself while grinning and thinking of how silly I have been haha...

O sushi self, Miri is where your home shall be for the next 10 weeks...

What you give you get back...NOT

Let's blog before i board the flight back to my kitchen in miri.

Life is not always about getting back what you gave. It is more of doing something sincerely. Doing so you will not have to through the frustration that follows once what you have expected to get is not there for you.

I would be lying if I say that the thought of getting something back did not cross my mine but luckily i am good at diverting my attention to other more interesting activity such as crossing the Sarawak river on a sampan.

My point is just give and do not expect any returns. God has His own special way of rewarding you. I am a true believer of the of the underlying principle of the movie 'Pay It Forward'. We might not get anything back from the person you have helped but once inspired by your initial act of kindness that person will help other people.

I find solace in inspiring people to help others for I only have limited resources to help others. Let us all aspire to inspire people with our act of kindness be it a call to say 'how are you?' to an old friend or taking the extra mile to attend a wedding in a foreign land for that friend you knew years ago.

A close friend once said that we do any act of kindness because we are sellfish. I was shocked initially. He explained that we do it to calm ourselves by saying that at least we have done something to help. He got a point there but I believe any act of kindness is a must irregardless of the motive but a pure motive is always favourable. Fret not for other people's judgement of your actions, what matters is what God thinks of you.

Owh by the way my flight is delayed for 15 minutes...my first flight delay in 2012...

A stab to the heart

"the human tendency to wobble illogically in decision and later to assume that the decision was, after all, logical and enormously important, but forever to tell of it 'with a sigh' as depriving the speaker of who-knows-what interesting experience." -Eleanor Sickels on the poem The Road Not Taken

Midnite Drama

I can't sleep...

It could be due to my excitement bout tomorrow. Am i excited? I dont think so. I think i am more scared and worried rather than excited.

I love travelling to new places but i am not good at making new friends. A trait that shouldnt come together.

I am afraid that if i sleep now i might wake up in a strange place.

I am afraid that if i sleep now everyone that i know will no longer be there tomorrow.

Paranoia

Hush dear go to sleep and tomorrow will be a new day for a new adventure..

8 questions about my little sister's wedding

Q: How was the wedding?
Alhamdulillah it went well but it was energy draining to me. Back in 2010 during my other sis's wedding i did not feel this tired. I choose to blame it on the hot weather while supressing the small voice inside of me which kept saying "You are getting older" *laughing*

Q: Being an eligible bachelor among your cousins and siblings,how did you handle question about your own marriage plan?
There are 3 steps on how i counter such questions:
1. Smile
2. While laughing says "Itulah dia soalan minggu ini" and try to instigate them to laugh with me
3. While they are laughing smile again and just walk away as if i needed to attend to other guests

Q: Did any of your sister's friend caught your attention?
*blushing* Yup one of them did catch my attention. I first saw her during the engagement ceremony and was looking forward to seeing her again during the wedding. She came and i saw her. That was it nothing worth mentioning happened between us.

Q: That was anti climatic. Apart from this obviously one sided excitement did you manage to leave an impression to your sis's friends?
During the 'berinai' ceremony my sister did came to me to tell me that some of her friends thinks i am adorable.

Q: What do you think you did which resulted to the adorable remark?
Maybe the fact that I was holding my niece throughout the ceremony. A man holding a baby in his arms never fails to exude a warm feeling among girls. I might be generalising here but i suspect this was the main reason for the adorable remark plus the occassional witty remarks that i voiced out during the event.

Q: Did you cry like you did in 2010?
I tried my best not to but once the groom concluded the ijab and qabul, my eyes just got watery. Believe me i did try supressing it and i did well at first. Then when my sister came to me we started hugging each other and she started crying. So did i. In between the sobs i manage to slip in some words of advice to her.

Q: What did you do with your sister on the eve of the solemnization ceremony as siblings?
Once i arrived in my hometown, both my sisters and i went out together. We went to pick up her wedding dress and had a drink in my favourite leng chee kang shop. We talked and joked around. I was happy and felt really glad that we went out together.

Q: A day after the wedding reception did you feel weird having a new person in the house like you felt in 2010?
I guess i am more matured now because instead of keeping quiet and feeling uneasy with the latest member of our family, i tried to be warm and friendly. I felt bad to my first brother in law because back in 2010 i was not very friendly and did not talk much eventhough he tried to strike conversation with me.

My Little Sisters

Another sister of mine is getting married. Compared to the last one i am more calm and receptive of the idea now.

Back in 2010 when another sister of mine were courted, i was freaked out. I was present when my now brother in law's family came to our house to ask for my sister's hand in marriage. The whole formality was over in less than an hour. Part of me was kind of mad with my parent because they were so receptive and cool about losing their daughter. Well they wont literally lose their daughter but at that time i felt as if my sister is being taken away from me. What made matters worts was the fact that the wedding was to take place in less than 6 months. I was like 'this is crazy!'.

How was i suppose to prepare myself to handle all the emotions that was engulfing me at that time. At that time i was sad at the thought of losing my little sister. I was scared that she might no longer need me or worst totally forgets about me. We were so close to each other.

When we were still studying, i remember that everytime i got home for semester break i would tease her like crazy. Sometimes my mum had to pull my ears (note : it was done in a loving way) just to get me to stop. Her marriage at that time was like a threat to my happiness.

She eventually got married and i learnt to accept our new family member, my brother in law. Time had proven that I was completely wrong thinking that her marriage might change our relationship. Well I may no longer teases her as much but now i know that no matter what i will always be her big brother.

So does less drama from me this time round when another sister if mine is getting married is a sign that i dont care? Hell no! I guess i have matured or some say experienced enough to know that marriage is not about separating your family members in fact it enriches your family. I might still shed some tears during the solemnization ceremony like i did last time. Dont get me wrong, for the tears were tears of joy and definately not because she got married first before me haha..

I pray to Allah for the happiness of my sister and her future husband. May Allah grants both of you ample willingness to forgive each other for mistakes that both of you might do in the future and gives both of you patience for the challenges of a married life.

Living in the moment

We tend to look to the future and neglect the current reality. Well maybe not everyone but i for sure does it. At times i dwell too much on the consequences of the action that i am plannning to act on to the extend that i get freaked out by the various negatives outcome of the actions. Some might say what i have done as being in the spirit of being coutious and mindful but when we look at this sutuation based on an engineering principles, i have travelled no where as i am still at the starting point. Philosophy wise i have made a journey of self discovery as thinking or reflecting on our actions is a virtue which is evident in a quote below:

Nothing pains some people more than having to think.
Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968) American black leader.

I think in life we do have to take some time to think but it should not deter us from trying new stuff. For example i have this problem with heights but when i was travelling in SA back in 2010 i did try to abseil down the table mountain. Before doing it, i did a lot of thinking but once i swiped my credit card there was no turning back. I did it n enjoyed it but to do it again i doubt it haha

Another good example would be my dearest friend Mega, she decided to leave her highly prestigious title as the squid queen to live among the Krabbian n educate their young ones (Note: this fictional like character was created to hide the identity of my fren). This was done for she believes that she needed to make a change. If u dont do it who else will. That was her motivation. Well i am not saying that we should leave our day job n start doing whatever that the heart desires. We have our resposibilities so be moderate n wuteva that u decide to do after reading this. Maybe u can start with the dream of eradicating poverty for example by volunteering with NGO such as Kechara Soup Kitchen. Or you can tell outright to that special person how much u aporeciates his/her presence in your life and not just thinking of ways to express it.

Bottomline is living in the moment. Dont wait untill tomorrow for you to do something positive. Do take time to think of the consequences of your doings but do not fall into the trap of fear. Fear will save you but it too can kill you by making you regret of the 'what ifs' and 'i should have done it' moments when looking back to your life. Let's us all try to seize the day and live in the moment...on another note, to those of you who have been there through all my rants and ramblings, do know that i love you all 😘 

A tarnished dream

At first i wanted to right about ego and forgiveness but decided to not dwell in that now n write about a dream i dreamed four years plus ago. When i started working i made a promise to myself that i will be the most helpful helpdesk. No is the answer for those of you whom might think "Helpdesk? He will definately be bullied into finishing the 'unwanted' jobs". My dream was to be an ever willing colleague to share knowledge. When i was a junior cook i know how difficult it was to approach a senior who always seems to be busy. For me approaching them was like putting my hear on the chopping block. Putting my dear life at the mercy of the executioner. I remember sending a dish to the masterchef after making sure that i have followed the recipe given. Upon serving the dish my master straightaway commented bout the flaws in my dish presentation. There goes hours of effort destroyed in mere seconds. No doubt after the experience i learned faster n tend to be more careful in completing a task. From that moment on, i decided to be an approachable and helpful senior to my juniors but not to the extend of spoon feeding them. A simple dream that was tarnished today. Today was the day that i blew my top off. Well i didnt really start a frantic word attack on my junior but i did raise my voice n i believe it was obvious from my facial expression n tone of voice that i was annoyed. After the incident, i felt really bad towards my junior. I was angry with myself for actually allowing myself to succumb to the frustration deep within me due to the situation i was in. How can i be so frail that i cant control my anger. I vented out my frustration to the wrong people. Seeing a dream kept for the past four years plus got tarnished really effects me. I made another promise today that i will try my very best to make up for the mistake that i have done.  ~a dreamer who dreams of a better reality~

Bird Talk

Young One : Mummy why do we have to escape? Why cant we just stay here in this golden cage? Moreover our owner now is a good person.

Mummy Bird : My little one, I want you to know the joy and fear of the real world. You are still very young to be contend with just living in this small golden cage when there is a whole world of blue sky for you to explore. Look at that bird flying freely soaring high up the blue sky. Dont you want to be like him?

Young One : But mummy he is big and strong. Look at me i am small and might not survive the outside world.

Mummy Bird : You can be like him. All you need to do is start somewhere and for your case it is to go beyond this golden cage. No ordinary bird wants to leave its comfort zone but every normal bird will dream of being the great one. You my dear is no ordinary bird, I refuse for you to just be a normal bird. I want you to soar high up the sky and be the great one. You may not succeed but you will surely be a better bird after this. Go on take the leap. Dont be afraid...

A Note to Mega

Dear Mega,

I truly hope your life with the Crabbians is better than what I am going through after moving from an international kitchen to a domestic one. Life might be a little difficult for you in Crabia but rest assured that anything you do there will one day change your life and the people there. I on the other hand is still struggling with the big question “How do I make a change?”.

When we were studying in Utopia everything seems so clear to me, our goals and plans to make a change in the world. I am truly happy that you are actually on the right track in making an impact to humankind (not the whole world but at least to the Crabbians). Unfortunately, I on the other hand is still trying to ensure myself that decisions that I have made is the best for me.

I did tell you before that the reason behind my migration is to be able to pursue my dream on creating a hybrid timun serunding wrapped in sushi. Now that I have migrated from an international kitchen to a local one I no longer have the confidence and feeling a bit demoralize. I thought I would not miss life in the international kitchen but I do miss the chaotic scene everytime the guest orders their meals. Voice of the chef shouting, the late nights, talking to other ingredients in the kitchen after being saved from the wok and the prestige of being in the chef’s special ingredients cabinet.

I do realize that now I am sounding a lil wee bit self centered but that’s just how I felt. In the international kitchen I know that the chef appreciates and trusted me but now in the local kitchen I don’t seem to be able to impress the sous chef even though the big chef has faith in my ability. The sous chef is so difficult for me to understand. Though he too keeps me in the special ingredients cabinet (a smaller one compared to the last one), I can’t help feeling that he is only doing it as a respect to the big chef. I am trying really hard to impress him but nothing seems to work. I am so demoralize now to the extent I no longer have the drive to prepare the necessary stuff for my hybrid timun project.

I know that I should not dwell in the past but the past seems more warm and comfortable. Nowadays I purposely try to maintain active contact with other ingredient from the old kitchen for I still want to feel the warmth of being among friends who knows the real serunding me and not just the outer sushi me. It is actually my own fault because I did not give my new peers the chance to know the real me. In my quest to impress the sous chef and other ingredients in the kitchen I had put up a wall around me and only tries to portray the calm cool me despite being insecure about my position as a special ingredient deep within me. Well I guess this is expected when you push you boundary too much you are bound to feel vulnerable and that’s just what I have done when I decided to migrate…testing my limit.

I will not concede I will push myself harder and I will go through this somber period of my life!

Thank you for always being there for me.

Yours truly,
Serunding_sushi