A Note to Mega

Dear Mega,

I truly hope your life with the Crabbians is better than what I am going through after moving from an international kitchen to a domestic one. Life might be a little difficult for you in Crabia but rest assured that anything you do there will one day change your life and the people there. I on the other hand is still struggling with the big question “How do I make a change?”.

When we were studying in Utopia everything seems so clear to me, our goals and plans to make a change in the world. I am truly happy that you are actually on the right track in making an impact to humankind (not the whole world but at least to the Crabbians). Unfortunately, I on the other hand is still trying to ensure myself that decisions that I have made is the best for me.

I did tell you before that the reason behind my migration is to be able to pursue my dream on creating a hybrid timun serunding wrapped in sushi. Now that I have migrated from an international kitchen to a local one I no longer have the confidence and feeling a bit demoralize. I thought I would not miss life in the international kitchen but I do miss the chaotic scene everytime the guest orders their meals. Voice of the chef shouting, the late nights, talking to other ingredients in the kitchen after being saved from the wok and the prestige of being in the chef’s special ingredients cabinet.

I do realize that now I am sounding a lil wee bit self centered but that’s just how I felt. In the international kitchen I know that the chef appreciates and trusted me but now in the local kitchen I don’t seem to be able to impress the sous chef even though the big chef has faith in my ability. The sous chef is so difficult for me to understand. Though he too keeps me in the special ingredients cabinet (a smaller one compared to the last one), I can’t help feeling that he is only doing it as a respect to the big chef. I am trying really hard to impress him but nothing seems to work. I am so demoralize now to the extent I no longer have the drive to prepare the necessary stuff for my hybrid timun project.

I know that I should not dwell in the past but the past seems more warm and comfortable. Nowadays I purposely try to maintain active contact with other ingredient from the old kitchen for I still want to feel the warmth of being among friends who knows the real serunding me and not just the outer sushi me. It is actually my own fault because I did not give my new peers the chance to know the real me. In my quest to impress the sous chef and other ingredients in the kitchen I had put up a wall around me and only tries to portray the calm cool me despite being insecure about my position as a special ingredient deep within me. Well I guess this is expected when you push you boundary too much you are bound to feel vulnerable and that’s just what I have done when I decided to migrate…testing my limit.

I will not concede I will push myself harder and I will go through this somber period of my life!

Thank you for always being there for me.

Yours truly,
Serunding_sushi