Forgetting

Wouldn't it be easier if we can be selective in what we want to remember and what not? If this is really that good perhaps people suffering with selective memory disorder can be consider as lucky. Not having to remember or think about what hurts them the most and only remembering all the good times. It is like forever being induced with chocolate drip into your system. Always 'high' with the happy hormones. No heart crushing pain of being left, ignored or just plain regret of past mistakes.

But....

It is the pain of past memories that will teach us the need to cherish future happy moments knowing that the pain brought by past memories might not be easily bearable. It is bearable but not easily as God will only test its subject within its capability and never beyond it. The joy of not having bad memories vs the joy of having good memories after having experienced past painful moments...arghh...it is a dilemma that one can only hope to be able to go through without doing anything which is self destructive.

I guess the only way to handle this is to acknowledge whatever painful moments that we had gone through as a lesson for the future. Painful it may be to be endured but to try to forget will only be a lot more excruciating as our mind is trained to make something that we want to forget a lot more vivid compared to when we try to just move on without trying to forget. It is like pressing the delete button when you want to delete any file on the computer, there will always be a pop up box asking whether you are sure about deleting the file. After reading the message we will eventually do a mental check of content of the file.

Be strong, be brave, have faith in Him and you'll be able to go through anything...

Broga Hill

Went up to Broga Hill with friends this morning. There not too many people (not because we were early) maybe because it was raining yesterday and most people might assume that the track would be slippery. Luckily the tracks were ok.

With two glasses of milk and only two hours of sleep I went up the hill. The area was not guarded like a national park but there were parking fees of RM2 to be paid (Malaysian sure do know how to make money hehe). Nobody told me that it was not going to be a straight climb up the hill. There were two other hill tops that needed to be scaled before we can actually reach the highest peak. I was certainly not prepared for that. When I saw the first peak, I was excited to go there as fast as I can, as I wanted to finish up the climb as soon as possible (wanted to get home earlier so that I may catch some sleep). So I hurried up to get there and boy! it was really heart shattering when I saw the other peak that needed to be scaled.I did get to the top in the end and it was all worth it. So guys do give it a try. My friends and I did this as part of our training for Mount Kinabalu in April 2011. Hopefully we will make it hehe...

meet or meat???

to go is to meet
not to go is not to meet
but to meet is want i want
but to want to meet is what i don't want

it is better to meet or not meet at all
rather than to want to meet but not wanting to appear to want it

meet or not to meet is the question
but to listen to dream of the heart or logic of the brain is the choice to be made

Happy and hatred

Have you ever felt happy and hatred at both time. Happy that you finally able to be acknowledged but at the same time you hate yourself for being happy that you are acknowledged.

*sigh* matter of heart is so complicated....

gentleman for a lady

how hard it is actually to be a gentleman? i believe it is as hard as being a lady to a women especially with impossible expections coming from men on how a lady should act. both gender is to be blamed coz we like to set impossible benchmark on what it meant to be a gentleman or a lady due to false potrayal of the concept by entertainment industry. for example, women (most women if not all) nowadays expect their other half to be as charming as Edward the vampire. for one we are not vampire and surely does not live forever. im sure being immortal Edward must have learn or pick up a gentleman's habit for a long long looong time. thus only proving that practise makes perfect. im sure Edward would have had countless number of lovers, girlfriends or any other name you call you significant other to learn how to act properly. if he does not learn from his past mistakes he must be one impossibly stubborn man.

well ladies do bear in mind that we are only human who have a limited time to perfect the skills of a gentleman which some people might not even succeed till the day they meet the angle of death. my point is, we have to be realistic and allow some time for the male species to learn from his mistakes and not just slap them with the big stamp "NOT A GENTLEMAN" or in malay "X GENTLEMAN LANGSUNG".....being a getlemen is a skill that needed to be performed without the element of being pretencious. it have to be potrayed naturally by a person. you can't force it out of a man or you might risk getting a stiff partner who awkwardly demonstrate the act of being a gentleman as if he was following a manual. to put an end to my rambling on this subject, ponder on this 'a gentleman is for a lady and vice versa'......

something stupid...

have u ever done something stupid just to satisfy yourself and end up feeling happy but laced with guilt of a defeated man? i for sure have done it and so do countless other people out there. for example, you decide not to do something but ended up doing it in the end after much excuses have been uttered and made up so that you feel as if you were pushed to the corner and doing something that you have decided not to do earlier seems inevitable. how fragile and vurnerable we are to the game of the heart and mind *sigh*....for today at least i decided not to dwell too much in guilt but to cherish the feeling of satisfaction that i felt after overturning my initial decision haha....some people might say this attitude as enjoying the moment while it last and the chance to do it is still there....

ps....am i making any sense in this post?

intoxicated by sugar

A few days ago after I blew up while intoxicated with sugar overdose plus a good ADD counselling session, I decided to be positive about my new 'adventure' in the corporate jungle. Friends are what I hope to make, foe might be unavoidable but will try to minimise their share of my life. Everything seems to work my way untill suddenly news on an impending departure of a mentor really shock my determination. It got me thinking and I now no that I can no longer rely on my old comfort zone as a cushion for me to fall back to. News of his departure made me realize that nothing will remains the same for change is the only constant (heard this quote a few weeks ago hehe). I have made my decision (as unnecessarily pointed out by someone I do not expect to slap me with something that I have already known) and will definitely give this opportunity a try. It will be difficult but I'll endure it.

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ps...big bro sorry bout the other day i'll blame it on the sugar hehe what i accused u of holds no truth at all,. it was just my dissapointment with ur respond talking....thanks for everything that u have done...

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(Let's celebrate this my dear squid queen for the serunding sushi now is more matured)

jogging plan

no jogging for today coz it was raining...so going to eat with frens instead hehe
makan lagi....

steamboat bbq

Had loads of bbq'ued meat, chicken and prawns...dont really like the steamboat. It was fun at last I got to hang out with two (plus one coz one of us is married hehe) of my bestest 'cari2 makan' frens. Our last outing was like months ago. We have to do this again ya... Today wasn't my bestest day luckily there was plenty of food to help me go through it hehe...

mental note: tomorrow have to jog faster a bit (hopefully after the jog someone could treat me to starbuck's espresso with cream frappucino)

=P

good company

good company is hard to get but sometimes you do get lucky hehe....
interesting conversation topic + interactive two way communication
= remedy for a stressful day

THANK YOU!!!!!

=P

certainty : the sequal

Nothing is certain in life. Duh...everybody knows this but at times we pretend that we are certain every single time when we say 'OK I have made up my mind!'. At first you might be sure of what you want but after five minutes (sometimes immediately after you have finished saying that you have made up your mind) you will start thinking what if i choose the other way, menu, decision etc...

Dear Squid Queen,
I wish I could say that I like where I am today (sincerely at times I do like it) but being normal human being I can't help being pessimistic or lalang like...So what I do is to convince myself on a daily basis that as long as where I am today does not result to me being checked in to any mental institution, I shall go through any obstacle that may come my way.
Sometimes sharing your life detail with people that you care does helps a lot, be it while walking to the LRT station, in a car being driven to LRT station or in a restaurant after a good meal (Note: If you are in a restaurant do take note of its closing time to avoid embarrassing subtle halau-ing session by the staff hehe). Another thing is please share with the right people you do not want them going around talking bad bout you or worst telling people that you are so vain to the extent that every conversation is about your life. In short get a willing partner in crime normally in the form of people who truly cares bout you be it openly or in secret (hmm if it is in secret how would you know? well we can always try and error method =P )
Unfortunately, at times it can be really hard to the extent that even after a good ADD therapy session I would still feel sad but there is always another way out that is to beg, cry or even rant to HIM. Knowing that He will do something to help is soothing enough for me (well at least doing this helps me to sleep every night) the only downside is WHEN *typical ungrateful human trait in action*.

I think I better get to my ranting session with Him before I go to sleep....chow....