Potential and Possibilities

Am falling for them again *sigh*

When r u getting married?

It is hari raya again. Like every trip back for raya i'll brace myself for THE question. I have been attacked by various derivative of the questions from mild one "Bilanye nak kawen nih?" to outright embarrasing yet funny ones "Kamu ni dah macam orang tak laku!".

Part of me dread having to go through the Q&A session but I would be lying if I deny the part of me which is excited. Excited to know who would be asking the question and how. Crude way of putting it is I love the attention. As always I'll blame this trait of mine on ADD. This disorder is so bad to the extent that my ADD logic dictates for no one to have any fun without me in the picture. Crazy huh...I should have been borned ages ago as a King to a civilazation which idolizes their King haha

Going back to the topic, this raya seems to be a bit mundane with respect to our subject. The most creative statement that I got from my uncle was a simple "Tak balik-balik ni sebab dah jumpa orang sarawak ke". Not that creative huh...

It is not how the question was asked but I am worried if the less creative and frequency of the question is a sign of acceptance from my relatives on the fact that I might not get married. NO!!!!! Please don't stop hoping. I am still eligible. I need the attention to live on.

How la how la how la =P

MH2597

It is funny looking at people staring at the flight departure info screen. Squinting their eyes hoping that the flight info might change and we are called to board the flight...

*PA announcement*

Yeay can board d...

Depressing 10 minutes

I've just realised just now that I now only have around 20 more full days in this place. Funny coz im freaking out just like the eve of my departure to this place. A new place which has become so familiar making it harder to leave without feeling sad. There has been a few occasions when I caught myself describing this place as home.

I think I need to stop listening to melancholic songs/stories as they definately dont make it easier for me to ready myself for my trip bc home. dont get me wrong, I am glad to go home but I cant help feeling a bit down thinking bout leaving this place. It is that sinking feeling that I can never describe to you.

K need to get back to work and keep myself busy but doing so I might regret not taking the opportunity to spend more time saying goodbye to people or places that matters to me.

Gosh this post sounds so depressing...hate this feeling. Maybe shopping theraphy will help but then where la to shop here haha

Da..

...upcoming post...

Need to blog bout the Kampung Air trip today but I can feel that the energy is no longer enough for me to continue on typing....aaaaaa heeellllpppp no more energy...tuuuuuttttttt (note to readers: read this post in the most dramatic tone. the more dramatic you be the nearer you are to understanding what i am feeling now haha)

Update:
Just remembered that the last two days too deserves an entry. It was a fulfilling n memorable weekend.

I Am Angry

For the past 5 hours, I have been bottling up the following words for fear that I might hurt a friend and eventually regret it. Therefore I have decided to vent it out here than to that person...so here goes...

"Y do u have to agree to it? Wouldnt it be easier for you to say no? Do you know that I felt bad not being here during the last weekend and though I complaint on and on and on about the wrong flight ticket, part of me was glad that it happened. Now that I have been very much excited bout the weekend, u have the nerve to say that you will not be around. You said that you were not given a choice and had to follow orders. Am I to smile and just say fine?!!! I am pissed and very much dissapointed...titik!...."

K done venting d. Wow some of the things that I have been bottling up seems very inconsiderate, insensitive and overreacting. It is good that I didnt blurt it out earlier. No good will cone out of it.

So folks next time when you are mad try typing it out and from there you can see how crazy and hurtful your words can be when you are mad. When you are mad it is best to keep quiet. When you think what you might say may hurt someone chances are it will hurt them so practice restrain and you will not regret your actions later.

The end of a journey

I think I am getting too comfortable staying here. Everyday I try to convince myself that leaving is not going to be hard. There are times I am thankful that I won't be here forever but when I think of the team that I have (yes I am arbitarily proclaiming that the team is mine hehe), I dread the idea of leaving. A friend said that I adapt too easily to new enviroment maybe that is the reason for me dreading to leave this place as things alien to me when I first arrived here has started to be something familiar and normal to me (except the fact that I don't have my car here this I can never get used to).

Now I have friends which I can rely on for company and learned to trust. So leaving them behind might not be so easy for me. The thought that they might be doing fun stuff without me is so unbearable. I blame my ADD for this feeling. I always want to be on the spot light and apart of the seemingly 'cool' activities.

Well go home I will so the only thing to do now is to plan on how my departure would be. Smiling gracefully while waving like the winner of Miss Universe or shed tears while trying to laugh it off at the same time. Both options don't seem too appealing at this moment. I still have around 5 more weeks to plan so just wait for my update haha

Good night peeps.

Aiyo...Don't Feel Sad la...

Dear Friend,

Let's get straight to the point. After today's event I don't really know what you are thinking or feeling and I won't pretend as if I do. As I am not sure when is the right time or if you even want to talk about the issue, I decided to write it down here and give the link on your FB wall. Logically if you have the mood for social networking chances are you are feeling better already.

Let me share with you my experience as a white collared worker. I used to have a hard time dealing with a senior colleague. Not more than a month after I joined the office, I was given a lesson on professional emailing ethics just because I used the salutation 'Salam'. He said that it is not professional and pointed out that his name is not Salam and that the name reminded him of a mentally challenged guy in his hometown. In my mind at that time I was like "Helooo?!! How does Salam from your kampung has anything to do with my email...duhhh" My effort to explain the situation was not accepted. I felt so low at that time but tried to play it cool. Normally this would be the end of this story but NO not this story of mine. My life has always been full of drama and so this story. To add salt to wound I found out that my colleague BCC'ed a few of my other senior colleagues in his replies to my emails. At that time I was so embarrassed and really hated that colleague of mine. Never in my mind at that time I would imagine that we would be friends like we are now. We even went climbing the mount Kinabalu together. If I hated him I doubt that I would be willing to climb a mountain with him. But then again climbing the mountain together might be the best occassion for me to push him down the cliff haha

My point is everytime life gives you shit, it actual brings you to a crossroad between striving to be better or indulging yourself in self pity. Some people thinks that by pressuring people they would push that person to excellence without realising that it too has a risk of breaking a person's will to be better. Let's not talk about something we can't control. The thing that we can control is how we react to the event. For me, I decided to push myself out of self pity and work harder to prove myself. Well I do indulge in self pity every now and then but that's just my ADD talking haha

I may not have known you for a long time but I think I am not alone in saying that you have the potential to be a good PE. For now you just have to push yourself harder and try to learn as much as you can from people around you. Well sometimes you can opt to indulge in dreaming of a career near a swimming pool but for now you have to snap out of thinking that you have other career options. You do have the options but lets not think about them for this moment and think of this position that you have now as the only one.

I wish I could have helped more but untill you yourself decide to make things better there's not much I can help. Today's event is a lesson for both of us. I do feel bad for what have happened. Earlier I had a dejavu of the 'Salam' incident when reading the email from your SV. So if he is purposely picking on you like what my colleague did, chances are he has high regards for your talent and wishes to further develop it.

If you want to talk I am always nearby.

Good luck.

Your friend,
XOXO =p